Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Alright. I admit it. I AM OLD! oh that hurt! My daughters fairy tale.

I am forty-eight. It hurts, because on somedays I emotionally feel like I am still twenty-five. Well, my twenty-five was different than some twenty-five year olds. I had already had three children, I was working hard to feed the family as a single mom but, when I went out to play at twenty-five, I played HARD!

I danced with abandonment. Drank like a fish (with the tolerance of an elephant). Laughed hard at things around my. I was LIVELY?

I have since then struggled with health issues and abuse since then so I have slowed down. I still laugh, just about now as much as I did when I was tewnty-five, which REALLY help.
I now find myself in a place I would have never thought I would be in.

My daughter is alomst divorced. Fortunately, it wasn't a nasty divorce, as far as divorces go but, anyone who has been through one knows they all take their toll. She is doing well. I am so very thankful. Well, now enter Mom.......
I have listened to her, she has the same sort of abandonment that I had when I was her age (minus the drinking which is even better). She can laugh, from her heart, she sings around the house and dances where ever and when ever she can. She is just starting to find her hearts joy on a personal level.
I have found that now that it isn't me, I want to help her find her hearts desire. The fairy tale.
I want her to dance alone in a room while the music plays. I want her to dance with a BUNCH of people when she goes out, and to dance just as hard while she is out as when she is home. I want her to laugh at the silly things she does everyday, (because we ALL do silly things everyday). I want her to feel the freedom of laughing till you cry, gasp, eyes water.
When my kids were younger, they would start laughing at things, and they would get to the point where they couldn't stop, and they would laugh harder when they tried to stop, and it would be so infectious that we would all get the giggles for hours, ad it felt WONDERFUL.

I want the fairy tale for her. I have been looking at friends, and friends kids to see if there is a fairy tale here for my daughter so she can have the same recklessness I did.

So...now I find myself in an unusual place....Matchmaker? I can only laugh, it feels so strange to be her3e, but I realized that is what I have been doing. I have been encouraging to go out. With a BUNCH of guys. I feel like a pimp! I want her to look at a variety of guys, to look to see what she likes and doesn't like. I want her to adopt the idea I had before I met my husband. At some point, I realized there were guys out there, who would take you places I couldn't afford to go. I found out these guys would ....open my door, feed me steak or whatever I wanted to eat, they would take me to concerts, fairs, movies, and a varitable cornacopia of places...OH and they never got anything but my friendship. Yeah ok maybe I was just a little bit of a user. Ok but if they were expecting something...then they were users too.

I want my daughter to have those things though. So I have been looking for those things to lead my daughter this way and that, to go here and try that. DOes that make me my daughters Madam? Oh just a Mom.
Either way, I have finally had to admit that I am an OLD MARRIED woman. So I guess that would mean that I am old, married, a user, a pimp, a madam, a friend to my child ( who is in her late twenties).

So now that I have admitted ALL ( yeah right) improper behavior and old age. I will let you comment on what YOU want. For yourself, Your kids, Your family. Admit the fun stuff though.
Cause we all want to rich, good looking, and healthy!

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