Saturday, August 9, 2008

Alright, I have had help. I am a tad of a control freak too!



I have NEVER been one of those sit and point people. I also have ALWAYS lived a life of,...Well if no one else is going to do it, someone has to. Fair enough?
I have had some of the most remarkable help this summer. The gift of self has been the norm, not that I understand that whole yet.
There have been breaks, in my visitations of help though. There have been projects I have wanted done, that only I could describe, and then to acheive REQUIRED me to complete.
My husband is back at work, I've mentioned that before, so he isn't at his top game either. He is so tired when he comes home, he looks at what has been acheived, talks about how wonderful it is, and then shakes his head when he finds out how it was done. OH well, I can't help it.

I love decorating. I LOVE my 100 year old home. When we bought this house it wasn't because we were in love with everything, actually little, EXCEPT the bones. Our home had lovely old bones that showed so much untapped potential. Well, where there is potential,there is work to be done.
If you read the previous blog, you will note that I have at least reduced to the "Think Small" school of thought. Which is great.
As for over extendeding...MAYBE?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Think Small!

I know I have mentioned that I have health issues. That is a dead horse I won't go over.

I will also remind you I have been ever so AMBITIOUS, as to undertake the renovations of my home, with a BUNCH of help! Well, school is starting and the husband is back at work and no, things aren't done. As IF...
So now I have come to the realization that much of the things left to be done are going to be are going to fall on my old decrepit shoulders. AW, are you pitying me yet?

So there are a few things to be accomplished outside. something about five to eight ton of gravel to be set into the patio, removal of a pallet of retaining wall block (each weighing thirty pounds).

There is the building of the rest of the retaining wall, as well as the landscaping of the front yard. Oh and then let's talk about the front porch and the exterior of the house and stuccoing the bottom of the house. OK. Got the idea yet. TO MUCH HGTV! Well that is what my husband has told me. What do you think?
I have not yet told you about the inside yet have I? OK never mind that till later! Are you rolling your eyes, sometimes I do.

Well, let's get back to the "Think Small" title. I have realised it is very hard to do certain acts.
Silly little things like shovel, rake, dig... and so on. I have been known to do these things, I am not going to lie about that, but I have PAID DEARLY for them. But I have figured it out...Think Small.

As opposed to shovelling the gravel into a wagon, which requires a great deal of effort. Then take it a few feet to drop it. I have thought about picking up a shovel and throwing it a few feet to the other end of the patio, alright that hurts too. I finally figured it out.
For me, little here and there is okay.
I realised I may not be able to do somethings but oddly enough, I CAN Paddle. Yea, I said. You know like in a boat. So every time I take the dogs for a walk, I paddle. I paddle the gravel to the other side.

Little as a time. I Paddle the fire out of four or five shovel of gravel. Should I call this Piddling then since it is SO small? Maybe I should but, I get it done. Little at a time.
I have managed to get about one half of the intended projects I set out for myself this way.

So I think I am going to push the little things. Go small and go home!

I would love to hear you comment on the matter. Is Big really better?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Alright. I admit it. I AM OLD! oh that hurt! My daughters fairy tale.

I am forty-eight. It hurts, because on somedays I emotionally feel like I am still twenty-five. Well, my twenty-five was different than some twenty-five year olds. I had already had three children, I was working hard to feed the family as a single mom but, when I went out to play at twenty-five, I played HARD!

I danced with abandonment. Drank like a fish (with the tolerance of an elephant). Laughed hard at things around my. I was LIVELY?

I have since then struggled with health issues and abuse since then so I have slowed down. I still laugh, just about now as much as I did when I was tewnty-five, which REALLY help.
I now find myself in a place I would have never thought I would be in.

My daughter is alomst divorced. Fortunately, it wasn't a nasty divorce, as far as divorces go but, anyone who has been through one knows they all take their toll. She is doing well. I am so very thankful. Well, now enter Mom.......
I have listened to her, she has the same sort of abandonment that I had when I was her age (minus the drinking which is even better). She can laugh, from her heart, she sings around the house and dances where ever and when ever she can. She is just starting to find her hearts joy on a personal level.
I have found that now that it isn't me, I want to help her find her hearts desire. The fairy tale.
I want her to dance alone in a room while the music plays. I want her to dance with a BUNCH of people when she goes out, and to dance just as hard while she is out as when she is home. I want her to laugh at the silly things she does everyday, (because we ALL do silly things everyday). I want her to feel the freedom of laughing till you cry, gasp, eyes water.
When my kids were younger, they would start laughing at things, and they would get to the point where they couldn't stop, and they would laugh harder when they tried to stop, and it would be so infectious that we would all get the giggles for hours, ad it felt WONDERFUL.

I want the fairy tale for her. I have been looking at friends, and friends kids to see if there is a fairy tale here for my daughter so she can have the same recklessness I did. I find myself in an unusual place....Matchmaker? I can only laugh, it feels so strange to be her3e, but I realized that is what I have been doing. I have been encouraging to go out. With a BUNCH of guys. I feel like a pimp! I want her to look at a variety of guys, to look to see what she likes and doesn't like. I want her to adopt the idea I had before I met my husband. At some point, I realized there were guys out there, who would take you places I couldn't afford to go. I found out these guys would my door, feed me steak or whatever I wanted to eat, they would take me to concerts, fairs, movies, and a varitable cornacopia of places...OH and they never got anything but my friendship. Yeah ok maybe I was just a little bit of a user. Ok but if they were expecting something...then they were users too.

I want my daughter to have those things though. So I have been looking for those things to lead my daughter this way and that, to go here and try that. DOes that make me my daughters Madam? Oh just a Mom.
Either way, I have finally had to admit that I am an OLD MARRIED woman. So I guess that would mean that I am old, married, a user, a pimp, a madam, a friend to my child ( who is in her late twenties).

So now that I have admitted ALL ( yeah right) improper behavior and old age. I will let you comment on what YOU want. For yourself, Your kids, Your family. Admit the fun stuff though.
Cause we all want to rich, good looking, and healthy!

Monday, August 4, 2008

My own little garden?

Even though I was born and raised a "city" girl, all I ever longed for was a litle garden of my own. I would, as a child plant dandelions in the yard because, just like most children do at one point or another, I thought they were they moest BEUATIFULIST flower in the world. Now of course we don't want to through stones, but can you imagine what Mother said? Phew!
Later, we moved to the "country". I was so excited that I had somewhere I could actually breathe and run, I was six when we moved. Once again, the thought of flowes and a garden of my own permeated my thoughts, till....I found out my mother (who was a born and bred city girl), not only had no desire, but the lack of garden knowledge to undertake it.

Fast Forward Twenty Years

I moved to the appalachian area. I had had enough of city and urban living. My kids didn't do well, I couldn't afford being a single parent. So me and the Uhaul came to an agreement, I drive you carry! I lived in the hills of Appalachia.
I brought up my children there and then I was, well how can I express this, fortunate enough to meet and marry a local?
I did get my garden though, one half acre of garden. I didn't know before I was going to have to feed seven children and at least two adults out of it for the whole year. ACK! Now I have explained tha$ my other wasn't actually a garden enthusiast, There wasn't a real examle to follow on "how to." Well, by hooks and crooks I managed not only to grow an outstanding gorgeous garden, but I did feed us all. Good thing, the loving local never tried!

Fast forward ten years

I returned to the city, where I met and married another man, (my current husband). Once again we had no place for the garden, but I did manage to squek out a few flowers, and there were no dandelions this time!
We made another agreement with the stupid Uhaul truck one more time and it for some reason here in Indiana. I do have my garden now, no we don't have to survive off of it. I do grow strawberries, YUMMMMMM. We have also managed a few dwarf fruit trees. Flowers are everywhere and now I am almost addicted each year to the tons of plant mags I get from EVERYWHERE. I piddle now. I am not mandatory to do anything to it. I am not terrified I will not have food for the year, only my treats!

I have to admit though, my little garden now is only about twenty foot by seventy foot. Not huge, yet this garden has something the other didn't have in it. It seeme that in my "little" garden, peace grows. Weeds do as well, but they are not the threat they used to be, just a small nuisance.
So when I want to find an escape, I go to my own little place in the garden. I love it.