Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Oh No...Mr. Bill, I'm A GIRL!

If indeed it is elves or fairies, I wish they really didn't know what sizes I wear, and what my taste in clothing is. That being said, I am leaning toward the latter of the above sentence. I must have a clothing addiction. I believe this because I have been doing laundry for two days and low and behold...I am still washing. Now, some would say that well, you have more than yourself. Yep, sure do, I have a husband and 5 animals.

That's IT! The little dogs are wearing my clothing and mustering it up! NOT.
I just have too many clothes.

We have been under the constant flux here from remodeling and moving the things of our lost loved one, and just generally reclaiming what is ours.

OK, so here has been MY plan.

Go into a room...decimate it! Take it to bare bones, remove everything. Go through it ALL, sort shift, discard, clean replace where everything in the room is perfect and ORGANIZED! WOO HOO.

The problem...What comes out, has to go somewhere?

If you remove it from one room...where you going to put it until 1) you can sort through it. 2) you feel good enough to go through it 3) where are you going to keep those things till then?
Enter ...space bags, garbage bags, eye socket bags!
OK, antiques, doilies likely never to be used again, and memento's which should be protected go into space bags... DONE!

Throw out things not worth saving...ummm, we might do this a few times, because well,...I just might want that, OR I might get into that...
OR You know I could save that and put into a quilt, or cleaning rags, or.... (well I am sure you get by now)

NOW, onto the reality. I have WAY to many clothes. No I CAN'T get rid of them. Some are versatile outfits. For church, meetings, going out, or you know holidays, ( Yeah and I could win the Lottery and what would I wear)

I have clothing for working outside. Yep...plenty of them. It may not have officially started that way but who throws out a perfectly good fitting bleach and dirt (permanently stained) Jeans?
I have all the other clothing.

I think I have an addiction to the potential I used to have. Ergo the 14 dress outfits and suits. Too many outdoor clothing. Just plain and simple. Then there are the other outfits. Just too many cute outfits!

Here's the truth. When I was younger, they never EVER called me Jackie (yeah that is my name), they called me Jack. Yep a boys name. Oh wait..I was fine with that, because I truly thought I was supposed to be a boy anyway. I liked tools, Fields and the woods. I liked bumming underneath the cars, and fixing the water. I had no problem except..OH I am a girl. I really struggled with this for years. I choose to go into traditionally male dominated jobs, (yep and broke a few of the old theories about women during this time). I fixed my car. I was a single parent. I did it all, anything a man could do, yep...me too. (Boy and girls alike. When they tell you girls you can't stand and pee, don't believe them, I tried that too! Just to prove I could. It was messy, But I could do it!) I should have been a boy. I didn't like dressing like girls did, I definitely didn't go for the whole cutesy tootsie, getting my hair curled thing!

Fast forward to ...COOL fashions! OLD AGE! and just the general discovery of great fitting jeans. There is my issue. I found out I am A GIRL! A girl who can match clothing, arrange pictures, shape and figure out how to decorate my world. Beginning with the inventory of filled hangers in my closet! LOL..Oh it is such an issue.

I had the clothing in the one room, waiting for my strength to be rebuilt. Oh...enter...


The ones that think their mommy REALLY loves them, they know this because look what she did for us...She made great new beds for us in the laundry baskets! Yep...they got all over the sorted clothing and well...the clothing got clirty...I am hoping you know clirty.
its a combination of clean and dirty. Yep my clean clothes were clirty, they were contaminated by my animals dirty feet. clean + dirty =


OK...today, I bit the bullet. It IS LAUNDRY-DAY...OK DAYS!
two days and counting. but this has given me a chance to get reacquainted with many items I haven't seen in a while, and yes I vow to touch them in the next 6 months!

My addiction is apparent. I admit it. Trust me I am on the semi road to recovery. I did get rid of some, donated to our local free charity.
But that has left me with 5 weeks of, ummmm, non-repeating outfits.

So, as I go through the outfits, I plan on putting markers, otherwise known as going to the ends of the closet, so I know which I will get rid of in the spring!

Wish me luck!

Admissions, how do you make them.

I know we all make mistakes. All of us. No one is excluded from this category. Many of us will try desperately to lie our way out of them, avoidance is another thing. I guess my question is, when we KNOW in our hearts, we have made a mistake, how do we admit it.

There are several times in the course of everyday, each and everyone of us makes mistakes. Whether it is (yes I have done this), ruining someone clothing in a wash cycle and mysteriously its ended up in the trash to cover our hides, or lost money and not told your husband/parent/significant other. It may have been a bumper bender which is barely noticeable.

There are other mistakes we make as well. Trusting those we shouldn't, finding out that you have made a humongous money error, putting faith in others we shouldn't have. Then there are the mistake like...being addicted to something, drugs, alcohol, sex. Cheating is another thing that many deal with. Portraying yourself as another person to those outside your home, ( we all know those people, they act like the perfect employee, perfect family person, perfect business person) this is another mistake some make.

So the question I propose is, when do you admit your errors? How do you do it. I have problems myself that I have a terrible time admitting to myself, let alone to others, my own mistakes. I want to be seen as a better person than I really am. I find that sometimes though it is a terrifying thought to "fan ones laundry", though it is supposed to be good for the should? It is terrifying to think of! How will my life change, and will it be for the better?

How do we approach someone we know with the fact they are committing a huge error. You may know why, but what happens when that comes about, you risk a friendship, relationship with a family member/spouse. DO we want to stop having contact with those people, just how long and in what ways should we admit to our OWN issues?

I am open for advise?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sometimes we just need to change the wardrobe!

I have been experiencing some very good news lately. After a long and tiring turn of trying to find a doctor. I have never really given up on the hope that someday...SOMEDAY, I would find someone/somewhere/something that would help my life even get back to a little of the old me. I tried and failed so miserably, so many times, went through some sadistic treatments. No, none of them helped. Sometimes, the futility of my situation seemed to NEVER END! I feel into hopelessness often.

I had days where I prayed for a release from GOD. Imagining that life, as it were, for the next forty more years, well that was harder to fathom and get my mind around than anyone can imagine. I would go through my days crying, hobbling around with a cane (which I still use), stumbling and bumbling around the house. I wished I could find some path to help me to understand why this path was so hard and endlessly miserable.

I went through doctor, after doctor. I tried to explain to each and everyone of them, life as "me". They never got it. So I would either be sent back to my regular doctor, who would either shrug, or do nothing. I would listen to the great and ALL KNOWING doctors; who were far more educated than I. I'd try to figure out,yet another route to travel for the great enlightenment of my doomed future. I never made it there, either.

I, as I stated earlier, have run into yet another doctor. I refused to accept I was just a mixed bag of issues, some of them beyond the doctors knowledge and ability. Many of the issues I dealt with on a daily basis were not even addressed by the OH, SO GREAT PHYSICIANS around in our localalities, treated as non-issues, unworthy of their addressing.

I understand that many of the doctors are far brighter than I, and the mere fact that I would fall cold onto the floor in a dead of state of unconsciousness was a triviality, but I thought an acknowledgement would have been nice. I stayed frustrated. I stayed in pain. I stayed compelled to continue my fight.

SO I WENT clothes shopping!

I KNOW...CLOTHES SHOPPING? Hard following, huh? If I go shopping and just grab something off the rack of dozens of colors and sizes and assorted patterns...I am without doubt...not going to be happy.

If someone stops at a plaza, shopping mall, store, boutique, and then tells me I have to shop there, I would be miffed to say the least. I wouldn't be going in and if I did...I likely wouldn't buy. I am sorry, I still believe you can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

If I buy, or have bought for me, clothing which is too big, too small, or just a tad out-dated. I am not buying it, keeping it, and I am


I don't think that is fashion correct anyway. I am old fashioned, I don't wear my hem on my dress to where my buttocks are going to show when I bend! So why would I consider this format...


I kept trying, something inside me kept saying go, don't give up, keep trying. I tried to do what was asked of me of the doctors. I kept telling myself, they know best. BUT my insides kept saying, I can't live this way. I CAN'T! This isn't life!

The pain was horrendous, debilitating, life stopping and in some peoples realm, life stopping, by any means.

I changed my clothes. I went out and kept shopping, for the outfit that fit, I wanted that PERFECT outfit. Just the right color, size, fit, and style. I found it finally. I am hoping this outfit turns out to be one of those timeless pieces. You know that PERFECT blue or black blazer. That just right size of gym shoes that feel great and invigorate your feet when you wear them all day. I pray this doctor is just like my favorite pair of jeans, the one that hasn't gone out of style, and never does!

Do NOT settle for an old outfit, that doesn't fit. Don't wear someone Else's outfit that is so tight...It hurts. Don't settle for the doctor /outfit that hasn't been updated in a very long time. Or goodness don't wear an outfit not for your age/style/gender.

I would really hate to have you where a woman's dress if you are a 7 foot basketball player, even if it is a wedding dress with great lines!

Just don't quit shopping. KEEP looking. DO NOT GIVE UP!