Sunday, October 19, 2008
I have been experiencing some very good news lately. After a long and tiring turn of trying to find a doctor. I have never really given up on the hope that someday...SOMEDAY, I would find someone/somewhere/something that would help my life even get back to a little of the old me. I tried and failed so miserably, so many times, went through some sadistic treatments. No, none of them helped. Sometimes, the futility of my situation seemed to NEVER END! I feel into hopelessness often.
I had days where I prayed for a release from GOD. Imagining that life, as it were, for the next forty more years, well that was harder to fathom and get my mind around than anyone can imagine. I would go through my days crying, hobbling around with a cane (which I still use), stumbling and bumbling around the house. I wished I could find some path to help me to understand why this path was so hard and endlessly miserable.
I went through doctor, after doctor. I tried to explain to each and everyone of them, life as "me". They never got it. So I would either be sent back to my regular doctor, who would either shrug, or do nothing. I would listen to the great and ALL KNOWING doctors; who were far more educated than I. I'd try to figure out,yet another route to travel for the great enlightenment of my doomed future. I never made it there, either.
I, as I stated earlier, have run into yet another doctor. I refused to accept I was just a mixed bag of issues, some of them beyond the doctors knowledge and ability. Many of the issues I dealt with on a daily basis were not even addressed by the OH, SO GREAT PHYSICIANS around in our localalities, treated as non-issues, unworthy of their addressing.
I understand that many of the doctors are far brighter than I, and the mere fact that I would fall cold onto the floor in a dead of state of unconsciousness was a triviality, but I thought an acknowledgement would have been nice. I stayed frustrated. I stayed in pain. I stayed compelled to continue my fight.
SO I WENT clothes shopping!
I KNOW...CLOTHES SHOPPING? Hard following, huh? If I go shopping and just grab something off the rack of dozens of colors and sizes and assorted patterns...I am without doubt...not going to be happy.
If someone stops at a plaza, shopping mall, store, boutique, and then tells me I have to shop there, I would be miffed to say the least. I wouldn't be going in and if I did...I likely wouldn't buy. I am sorry, I still believe you can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.
If I buy, or have bought for me, clothing which is too big, too small, or just a tad out-dated. I am not buying it, keeping it, and I am
DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO BE MADE TO WEAR IT ALWAYS!!! EVERYDAY, OF THE WEEK, OF THE MONTH, OF THE YEAR ....FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
I don't think that is fashion correct anyway. I am old fashioned, I don't wear my hem on my dress to where my buttocks are going to show when I bend! So why would I consider this format...
FOR MY HEALTH!
I kept trying, something inside me kept saying go, don't give up, keep trying. I tried to do what was asked of me of the doctors. I kept telling myself, they know best. BUT my insides kept saying, I can't live this way. I CAN'T! This isn't life!
The pain was horrendous, debilitating, life stopping and in some peoples realm, life stopping, by any means.
I changed my clothes. I went out and kept shopping, for the outfit that fit, I wanted that PERFECT outfit. Just the right color, size, fit, and style. I found it finally. I am hoping this outfit turns out to be one of those timeless pieces. You know that PERFECT blue or black blazer. That just right size of gym shoes that feel great and invigorate your feet when you wear them all day. I pray this doctor is just like my favorite pair of jeans, the one that hasn't gone out of style, and never does!
Do NOT settle for an old outfit, that doesn't fit. Don't wear someone Else's outfit that is so tight...It hurts. Don't settle for the doctor /outfit that hasn't been updated in a very long time. Or goodness don't wear an outfit not for your age/style/gender.
I would really hate to have you where a woman's dress if you are a 7 foot basketball player, even if it is a wedding dress with great lines!
Just don't quit shopping. KEEP looking. DO NOT GIVE UP!
Posted by jackie at 1:08 AM